It's Amazing How Useful Common-Sense Can Be Across a Whole Range of Life Situations

We heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from Michael Zhang around the campfire (over at PetaPixel).

What follows is a true story: a sad, sad tale of bridal photography gone terribly wrong. Except, in this case, we’re not talking about a wedding photographer who botched the bridal portraits. We’re talking about a…bride…doing photography, badly, with a breathtakingly cheap camera.

Cheap-18MP-Max-Digital-Camera-Still-Image-Photo-Camera-with1280x720P-HD-Video-2-7-Screen-LithiumPerhaps we might ease into this story by setting the scene in the form of a multiple-choice question.

You and your new husband/blushing bride are about to head off on your honeymoon, an epic overseas voyage to the exotic land of Brazil. Wowzers! Naturally, you’ll want to chronicle the trip in photos. Now, for the sake of our present purposes, let’s say you’re not a photographer — and don’t even own a camera — not even a cheap camera! — and therefore you kind of need to obtain the requisite equipment before you go.  Should you…

(a)  …pick out the nicest, most technologically advanced, most expensive-est monument of imaging technology you can find, featuring an obscene range of bells and whistles, because hey, you only go on your honeymoon once? (Well, that is, most people…some people…forget it.)

(b)  …select an adequate but middle-of-the-road camera, reasoning that since you aren’t a very good photographer, the ultra-fancy-fied ones would be wasted on you—but you still want decent quality?

(c)  …pick up some absolutely cheap piece of flotsam that basically hurls itself at you from the shelves of some miscellaneous online retailer? Because: who wants to waste a whole lot of money on a little device, the only purpose of which is to snap pictures?

You picked (c), didn’t you. The cheap camera. Remarkable coincidence—so did the heroine of our little tragedy.

She and her blushing bubba headed off to South America, chunk of useless scrap metal in hand, and shot over 300 photos. Upon returning home, what did they discover? Not a decent shot in the bunch. The blushing (with anger) bride was “heartbroken.” Of course, if they’d done a wee bit of research, they might have discovered that their $39.00 camera earned a whopping 2/5 stars online from the camera-buyin’ public. “The worst camera I have ever owned,” rang the enthusiastic praise of one happy customer.

badcamerashots

A selection of the bad honeymoon shots. Photographs by Cavendish Press // The Daily Mail.

Neither the camera company nor the retailer seemed interested in refunding the bride’s money. “Look,” they replied – if we may paraphrase the impatient captains of industry who couldn’t be bothered to refund the woman’s investment, “You buy our lowest-end camera, essentially a flattened exhaust pipe with a lens inserted, and then you burst into tears when it doesn’t yield professional-grade photos? Please. You’re interrupting our dinner.”

The moral: when selecting a camera with which to document the most important journey you will ever go on, if you don’t know much about photography, choose option (b).  ‘B’ is for brainy people who are beautiful and brave.  ‘C’ is for clowns, clods and cutups who collect crappy cameras.

badphotosWe won’t tell you the make and model of the offending instrument, not wanting to besmirch the reputation of an upstanding camera company. (You can find out easily enough by clicking through to Michael Zhang’s article, right here.)

Afterthought: Perhaps the (initially) happy couple would have fared better had they searched for a cheap camera on Amazon. They were, after all, planning to honeymoon in Brazil.